Saturday, April 4, 2009

Motivation Missing

All of a sudden, I dont want to do anything. I dont want to go out, I rather sit at home. I dont even want to work out, which is really rare. I think its because we went to the grocery store and I had to take Kenzie to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror - I saw nothing but disgusting. I have a belly I cant stand to look at, I hate my new size, boobs and all. Nothing fits, I never feel good about myself, I pretend to so no one thinks anything wrong. I havent showered in 2 days, im tired constantly. I know I just had a baby but I hate this part. I do all the work around here, I dont get no thank you, or here let me help or even 'you look pretty today'. I need that kind of encouragement, I dont get it then I think no one notices and I go back into hiding. Ive been tearing up on and off today hoping Will would see me but obviously he didnt.

I know the first person I need to work on is myself but its hard when you had been told for 2 decades that your a worthless piece of S*hit that will never amount to anything in this world. It doesnt take 5yrs to come off, Its been a long rough process. The only time I saw myself as pretty is when I lost all the weight for the Ms Xpose competition, then I end up pregnant and gaining it all back 10fold.

Someone help me.


  1. Oh Lu. I am so sorry you feel this way. I totally know where you are coming from less one child. I just see myself as a big fat blob. I never get complimented by my husband. Ever. I think you are beautiful. You are so kind and so much fun to be around! I love how your personality just shines.

  2. Ohhhh Lu....... I think you are beyond beautiful. Your personality is just the greatest! I wish I had just a fraction of the confidence you have in yourself!